Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
