omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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