Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
