I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
