Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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