Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
NoShamevember. You game?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
