So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
