You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
