i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
