21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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