i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
