he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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