Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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