Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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