I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize