I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
