Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just forgot I was standing up.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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