We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
