I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
