Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
