I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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