Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
