can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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