Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
