Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize