Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
