Having a random hookup so left but love u
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
