Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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