If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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