Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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