New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
