my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
