I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
