Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
