dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I want to be your penis for a week.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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