Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
