My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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