I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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