I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
