wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
