Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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