i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
