Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
