I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
