Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
