It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
