Rock
Scissors
Fuck
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
