I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
