I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
