take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
