hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize