So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
