I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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