Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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