In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
