haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
