The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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