Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
