I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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