all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
