I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize