I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
