Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
