Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
